| im leaving on a jet plane, dunno when ill be back again |
[24 May 2004|02:15pm] |
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mood |
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FUCKING EXCITED |
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music |
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ahsru;awgbur;jstgkwhedfo.ts |
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well my plane leaves in three hours, me and burn are about to head out... since its an international flight i have to be at the airport two hours early which really sucks..
... man im nervous as all hell, knowing me im gunna get lost in london airport and miss my next flight... that place is so fucking huge you have to like take a train to get on your next flight :/
anyways it will be good for me... im excited to get outta here for awhile... i guess ill post whenever i find my way back to washington. bye bitches :)
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[22 May 2004|05:21pm] |
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mood |
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 exhausted |
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two more days hannah... two more days
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| :) :) :) :) |
[23 Apr 2004|02:28am] |
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mood |
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 satisfied |
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oh kevin...
*sighs*
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| ..........Day one. |
[21 Apr 2004|02:46pm] |
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mood |
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 blah |
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music |
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radiohead |
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Today is alright.
I woke up real late, took a shower and then put tons of blankets down on the lawn and lay out there for an hour trying to make pictures out the clouds. It was real nice. It was fun to just lay and think. Tons of shit is on my mind today which i wish wasnt. Ive decided that i really cant trust anyone anymore. atall... I think drugs are really stupid, and that i need to stop lookin to people for help and just deal and figure out my shit alone. Pouting doesnt help and neither does sleeping or getting drunk. I really think england will be good for me, im so excited to leave! For now i just need to take it day by day until i get there, just fuck everyone and make myself happy before i try to make others. On a better note... my new room is all set up now finally! Sure, its easter egg yellow painted but atleast i got my own bed and room to sleep in now.. oh and my little sisters are coming for a sleepover this friday which will be amazing im sure! Im super happy that burn will be home tonight, I have missed that guy sooo much this past month and im reeaallll happy that me and kevin are talking again, its been the longest 3-4 months ever... yay for good good people:)
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[07 Apr 2004|02:04am] |
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mood |
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okay |
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music |
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ani d |
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So Ive come to the conclusion that everyones fucked up and drugs are definitely bad...
As hard as i try to show that i care and help people i just cant get through to anyone.. it really hurts. I wonder if my words mean anything cuz it aint easy to talk. As much as people mess up though, I wont give up on those that i care about...and they knows who they are...
.. theres other types of people out there that come to me for sympathy, or cuz no one else will listen, or cuz they got no friends so they have to crawl back to me. I dont feel sorry for those people.
They deserve what they get for pushing me away in the first place... waste of my time I tell ya.. and heart ache.
Talk your shit and peirce your tongue ya know. I am numb now.
However on a good note... Kaitlin! ohhh maaaannnnnnn. That girl rocked my world this weekend... or should i say, i rocked hers?! :)
We had an excellent time together and Im going to spokane this weekend to visit her.
We talked alll mother fucking weekend, no silence or awkwardness... theres alot to her that id never seen before. She is an amazing artist. Her voice and music is phenomenal and it was excellent jamming with her and jessie. jessie rules... im glad we got over the past and can be friends again. So although me and kait are a good 400 miles apart we are gunna try to make the most out everything we can.. I really enjoy her company... its nice to have someone care.
Im smiling for a couple reasons tonight... it was nice to talk to kevin finally last night... I dont feel so empty now although the conversation was rather weak because he was occupied with other things? oh and cuz des was prolly siting there the whole time. But still, it definitely took a load off.
Im also happy because i saw my mom today and she bought me a plane ticket to get the FUCK out this country.... my passport will be here in four weeks and I leave May 24th so peace out finally to all you fucks that thought id never do it.
Ummm and what else can i blabber about??? I dunno, i made a new friend Dan, unfortunately he lives in redmond and doesnt drive... sounds familiar... I really enjoy my talks with Maria... I feel like shes one of the only people that i can relate too. The girl reads me like a book its ridiculous.. I just wish shed turn her life around and smile again. hopefully we can hang out soon???
And yeah... dawn of the dead was a horrible movie, dont see it and I recommend eating french beard, microwaved, with ranch dressing on top... its fantastic. Oh and im going on 18 days now.. no drinkin, smoking, or somkin... woop woop!
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| oh i love what you do, dont you know that your toxic |
[01 Apr 2004|11:55pm] |
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mood |
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 giddy |
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music |
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britney sexy spears |
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ALRIGHTY....
So last night was rough and today was horrid. On top of being sick and working shit loads, I got burn in the tanning bed and shot down again. It was silly of me to think i could get my way so easily... who am i to interfer anyways? I miss the good weight but I aint gunna dwell on it. I guess blondes are more fun...
So now i feel different. Kinda a loser for a couple reasons but excited at the same time. Im done with my past... everything that i ever knew and cared for is gone, or atleast in redmond, or hawaii.. or italy... ANYWAYS! Its out with the old and in witht he new!!! Im on the prowl again. I need to find me a real hunky man that will spot me and fall passionatly in love with me so that we can get married and make tons of crazy love!
mmmmmmmmmm sounds delicious.
tomorrow will be excellent. hot kaitlin is coming in town from spokane and is gunna stay with me for the weekend. her and her boyfriend broke up so shes sad. Ill be on my best behavior im sure of it!
I miss alex... and redmond but bothell aint so bad i guess??? Im adjusting which is important. and i even made a couple friends from my sandwich shop! Im excited for myself and my new life. I got a new place... with a new city.. ive got a new look and im finding me a new man!
*sighs* everythings gunna be alright.
P.S. Sarah you rule... call me kay?
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| booooo |
[19 Mar 2004|10:32pm] |
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mood |
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 confused |
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music |
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radiohead. |
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So Im posting simply because i have noone else to talk to or express my feelings too...i have to vent, its imporant. So to all ya'll LJer's out there whos buddy list Im on, who i havnt talked to in forever, and have already begun to read this... just go ahead and STOP and take me off your list. thanks.
Back to the imporant stuff..
bothel sucks.. Im so lonely... I thought this would be the best thing for me, that being on my own and far away from everyone was what i wanted... like england right? well ofcourse that didnt work out for me like most things i want and so i thought fuck.. if i cant go to england, bothel must be my next best option!
... how wrong was i. Ive never been so scared and alone in my life... I only know two people who live in this city who i honestly would rather have nothing to do with!
oh and logan.. but we havnt talked in months and im pretty sure she doesnt even like me.
I miss my parents and sisters now i cant be close to them. I miss all my family in england so much.. its been over a year since i have seen any of them and around 3-4 months since i have even spoke to them! and the most important person in my life (my uncle) has recently moved to barain! in the middle fucking east! so who even knows when or if ill come across him again.
I dont like this place... I dont like having to walk 1.7 miles to work and then 1.7 miles home uphill. I dont like living in this strangers house. I dont like my job.
Even worse on top of all this, the two people i pretty much only ever hangout with have left my life. My best friend burn has moved to Hawaii and Lindseys left me for 3 months to study in Italy.
Ive thought about alot of people recently.. theres certain people Ive tried to turn too for help or to just get in touch with simple because i miss them... but they dont want anything to do with me? at times like these... what did i ever do?
... maybe im just getting the wrong impression.
Im really confused and struggling more each day, my horoscope thinks ill grow out of this phase... i hope its right.
So everything sucks for now... I feel i did something wrong and that im getting punished bad... im not trying to get in certain peoples lives again, i just want them to know that i still care and would love to atleast catch up on things... have a little company in this lonely place..
... well no matter what though.. i cant help but smile, cuz when shit really sucks or whens its real good. I always got des.
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| BEHOLD... A LADY |
[09 Mar 2004|09:44pm] |
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mood |
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TOASTED |
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music |
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the love below |
] |
WEDNESDAY NIGHT....LAKE CITY DA JA VU!
.... DUN DUN DUN....
YA'LL ARE INVITED IF YOU WANNA COME SAY GOODBYE TO LINDSEY,
ITS HER LAST FEW NIGHTS BEFORE SHE LEAVES FOR ITALY!
YUP.
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| in the zoneeeeeee |
[25 Dec 2003|03:41pm] |
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mood |
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 thankful |
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music |
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johnny cash |
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WELL MERRY CHRISTMAS EVERYONE!!!
ive had an excellent day and it keeps getting better!
deserea my superfly chick, i hope todays going better than yesterday!
you rule. your the cherry in my pepsi... my new bestfriend! you complete me :)
burn, merry fucking christmas man! its nice to have you back again, if you couldnt tell.. i missed you just a little bit while u were away ;p thanks for all your time and love!
england here we come!!!!!!!
and andrew... i miss you tons :( its been way too long since i saw you last..
i hope your having an excellent time in cali and ill see you saturday.
I miss the good wieght..so come back quick!!! like you...TOOOONNNSSSSS
And thats that... happy holidays...
...Ill probably post again around easter... SSEEEEEEEE YAAAAAAAA!
ooOOO! oooOOO! oooOOOOO! almost forget... ALYSIA I LOVE YOU! even though you dont read this lj shit (which is awesome) merry christmas #1!
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| did i really just post?? |
[28 Aug 2003|01:08pm] |
uhhhhhhhhh......
sorry bout that guys.. wont happen again, just had to get some of it out...
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[28 Aug 2003|01:05pm] |
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mood |
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RADIOHEAD |
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music |
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RADIOHEAD |
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HOLY FUCKINGGGGGGGGG SHITTTTTTTTT EVERYONEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!1 IM GOOOOIIIIIIIINGGGGGGGG
TOOOO FUCKIINGGGG R-A-D-I-O-H-E-A-D!!!!!!!!!!!
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHAZDSOIP;RHGVTFNOI;RSHDX;OIZRTHGFVZ; IPS'LEHUMVDNFHP9O8cwirun ayseghoutbvqiarnlce;hwEPJO:IZMASCNyredfhg puivrdartgynbuileywszrcildwuyCCQBWIAELystdfECGOIQANULEYTGUWIRSZOMDYCOIURLMTFAYEGPRIUMSTZDFYGIPUVCATMYWESGIPZURMDFGTCLVIAYSEWRTGZMPIRXUTFGIAPWUMLETRZSGDAFXPIQAL;WUGKTSZMEDC;E/AU';O
oWE'SZDGVTFIL QAFCWUKNESJza:
;HUERSGAK;LDNZETYRG;FVOUMCwyhax!!
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| fuck the bullshit, IM DONE. |
[16 Jul 2003|07:45am] |
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mood |
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done. |
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music |
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pinback |
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so im so sure everything that is being said about me is true. but i have given up caring anymore. im done with this shit. thank you deserae and derix for successfully hurting my feelings. happy now? i sure fucking hope so.
your sick. both of you. i mean come on, des i saw u at the mall today.. you were so excited to see me you squealed. and now, cuz i didnt say hi back or acknowledge you i get this in return. I HAVNT SPOKEN TO YOU IN DAYYYS. why the hell are you doing this now? its unfair and not honest. u know fine fucking well i didnt play you. the time that we spent together u know that i wasnt talking to derix and then i told you when we became friends again. i was nothing but carful and honest with your sensetive soul. i mean christ, i wiped out my fucking bank account with you, i gave you a place to stay, drugs to smoke, beer to drink, and my complete attention. i even did your fucking laundry and gave you bus fair money everytime you left my house! and this is what i fucking get? i absolutely despise you.
derix your an asshole. your nothing but a inconsiderate, immature, self centered, thoughtless, insensitive bastard. fuck you for still trying to win my friendship back and then talk some shit after. ive never been so hurt by anyones words or actions than your own. i have nothing to say to you except that im not putting up with it anymore... ive stopped caring.
IM DONE with this live journal shit so PLEASE, everyone take me off your buddy list. Im a good hearted fucking person so anyone who likes the person i am and enjoys being my friend can do so by calling me. most of you should have my number but if not im sure you can find it from rochelle.
im too weak as it is to have to come home each day and deal with this bullshit. Its not fair on me or everyone that has to read it.
thank you to all my friends. im sorry you have to hear all this but you should know that theres much more behind me than all this drama. ive treated you all fairly and been there for you when i can.
Everyday is so wonderful
Then suddenly
It's hard to breathe
Now and then I get insecure
From all the pain
I'm so ashamed
I am beautiful
No matter what they say
Words can't bring me down
I am beautiful
In every single way
Yes, words can't bring me down
SO DONT YOU BRING ME DOWN TODAY....
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[16 Jul 2003|03:46am] |
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mood |
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 high |
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BLAH BLAH BLAH FUCKING BLAH! SHUT UP ALREADY!
sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never harm me.
get pissed cuz you cant have your way...
..everyone that enjoys to try and make my life miserable just stop, cuz im happy. so its a waste of time. i have everyone in my life that i want to be there.. well except maybe one or two people, but thats okay. anyways, nap time!
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| bite harder next time |
[16 Jul 2003|03:14am] |
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mood |
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 mellow |
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music |
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radiohead - exit music |
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so im tierd... i just got off work. i sell socks, sweet. :o(
anyways THANK YOU very much ladies and gentelmen for a wonderful night last night!!!! thank you bre and saundra for putting up with all our drunk asses for so long! much appriciated. I had lots of nice conversations last night. I really enjoyed getting to know people better and smoking with hott ladies.
sarah rochelle and ed. what an amazing trio. thanks a bunch for looking after me last night. hannah was sllliigghhhttllyyy intoxicated. but hey it happens.
HIEDI!!!!! YOUR HOTT!!!!!
anyways sorry about that... yeah well i need to sleep. im worn out and kinda got alot on my mind.
tomorrow will be amazing seeing alsyia. i want some cereal..... mmmmmmmmm radiohead
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| beef stew. |
[12 Jul 2003|06:21am] |
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mood |
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simple. |
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music |
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hot hot heat. bandages |
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so i never write in this thing anymore... many cuz i hate it and all the drama that follows but im real bored right now. So my parents were suppose to be home almost seven hours ago... they havnt even called. yeah.. thats makes me sad. and a little worried. I wish my dad would stop picking fights with me. we tried to talk yesterday on the way to dinner but it ended in tears ofcourse. oh well, atleast my mom likes me.
tonight will be fun. going out to mill creek again. those guys are real nice people, drama free, im glad i met them. I feel very simple right now. kinda carefree. I think my life wont be so bad, i really think ill be okay.
my new faorite food is warm fresh baked french bread dipped in ranch dressing.... you all should try it sometime.
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| fuuuuuuuuccccccccccccckkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk |
[07 Jul 2003|08:47am] |
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mood |
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 bitchy |
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music |
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modest mouse |
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fuck this shit... less than 4 hours sleep and i have to spend the morning/day/evening walking around downtown redmond by myself until i find a fucking job. i cant come home till i get one... i love my life.
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| aggravated |
[07 Jul 2003|01:34am] |
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mood |
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 restless |
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music |
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pink floydd |
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i cant sleep.. im tossing and turning. uncomfortable... my heart, head and body aches. i feel restless but tierd. i dont like these feelings. plus im pmsing. my life is amazing at this moment. i need someone to talk to but no ones around. no one ever is.
i feel lost and lonely... pretty much worthless.
maybe one of these days ill have something nice to post.
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| glass half empty |
[06 Jul 2003|05:54pm] |
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mood |
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 uncomfortable |
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music |
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ani |
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What bugs me is that you believe what you're saying
What bothers me is that you don't know how you feel
What scares me is that while you're telling me stories
You actually believe that they are real
And I got no illusions about you
Guess what I never did
And when I said
When I said I'll take it
I meant
I meant as is
....When I look around
I think this, this is good enough
And I try to laugh
At whatever life brings
Cuz when I look down
I just miss all the good stuff
And when I look up
I just trip over things
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| lalalalal |
[05 Jul 2003|03:18am] |
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mood |
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 drunk |
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music |
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alysia yellikjng |
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drubk as fuck... sweet.
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